Rusty

So, after many pet failures and pitfalls, we've decided to try again.  Friday afternoon, Andrea, Amy and I drove to the Cecil County SPCA here in town. They have fair adoption practices, a good selection of available animals, and a good vet on premises.  Unfortunately, they didn't have any small dogs.

We decided to take a ride over to Pet Kare in Bear, Delaware.  We adopted a dog from them several years ago and were happy with her temperament and health.  Sure enough, they had a nice selection of small dogs.  The downside to this is that they are all puppies... but then, I suppose that's a good thing too.  First, we saw this adorable little Maltese mix that had the saddest eyes.  Her price tag was far too steep for our wallet, considering the costs of having her fixed, micro-chipped, etc.

While looking for my preferred breed, Yorkshire Terrier, I found only one, sharing a kennel with a Yorkie-Fox Terrier mix.  They looked identical, but the purebred was clearly larger, despite being younger, than the mix-breed... and nearly double the price.

I asked if we could hold the mix and when she handed him to us, it was instant love.  We bought him some food and a bed and on the way home, Andrea named him "Rusty".  A great name for this little guy.  It describes his appearance and his feisty little personality.  He's very cute and very affectionate and very loveable.

Epic Failure

Why is it when some people go through a tough time in their lives, when things aren't going their way or they just aren't having a good day, they feel they have the right to treat other people like shit?  Is it possible to stop for just one minute and consider another human being has their own life with their own pains and troubles?

When someone in my life is having a hard time or has a lot on their plate, I ALWAYS try to find something I can do for them to ease their burden.  Always.  I use kind words and offer as much of myself as I can to help them.

This weekend, my brother-in-law and his girlfriend of 15 years finally tied the knot.  It was her third marriage and very stressful for her, as she knew the serious commitment that she was making because it was the third time she had made it.  But this time, would her husband?  I think that's what the 15 year waiting period was... but that doesn't make it less stressful!  With four children and a lot going on, I offered to do anything and everything that I could to help her... after all, it was just 9 years ago that I was feeling the stress and pressure of planning a big wedding.  Even the small things that I was able to contribute made a difference, I knew it in the many, many different times they thanked me for my help. It made me feel so good to see them smiling as they left the church, and to know that in some small way, I helped.

Other times, I find big ways that I can help.  Today that blew up in my face.  I'll maybe never offer big help again.  The backfire is more pain than I can take.  I suppose some people don't want bigger help, or small help.  But there are graceful, kind ways to thank a person for the offer and gently decline.  That's not at all what I received today.  My heart is heavy and I feel like going back to bed and trying life all over again tomorrow.  Today was an epic failure.

I have so many blessings in my life today, but they didn't come easily.  I had a very, very difficult life for 10 years first.  I suffer from mental illness.  It has made my life miserable and it stole my teenage years.  From age 12 to age 20, my life was torturous, miserable, unbearable hell for me, and for my parents.  My illness comes with severe bouts of very deep depression, coupled with nearly-constant severe anxiety.  Despite my sometimes tough exterior, I'm one of the most sensitive people you'll ever meet.  I weep for mistakes that I made over a decade ago, my wrongs haunt me.  I only lived until age 20 because of the love of my family, especially my mother and older sister.  My first born daughter took it from there.

When things "get" to me, they stay.  I haven't learned yet how to let go, how to forgive myself, or how to let things roll off of me.  Particularly when those "things" are jabs from the people I care about.

Fashion (non)Sense

Is it all men that can't match their clothes?  And, is it that they can't or that they don't want to?

My husband and sons drive me crazy with this.  My older son, 8, will freak out if I try to make him wear a green shirt with blue jeans because blue & green don't match... so he must care, it's clearly a lack of fashion sense in his case.  But, he's 8, and he's learning.  What's my 34-year-old husband's excuse?

John thinks that any two or three shades of the same color are still the same color, and therefore, they must match, right?  I have to send him back to change his clothes more often than I care to admit. It drives me bonkers.  I'd also like to have a discussion with whomever decided making slider shoes for men was a good idea.  My husband will wear them with white crew cut socks and cargo shorts.  He also has a terrible time with that greenish-brown color that he somehow finds himself with.  "No honey, army-green slacks do not go with a sage-green shirt, and for the love of God, would you wear black socks, PLEASE?".  I don't mean to be so picky, and I let a LOT of his fashion errors go without correction.  I'm hardly a fashionista myself, as anyone can clearly tell, I'm every bit the jeans & tee shirt girl I always was... but my jeans & tees always match and they never have stupid prints on them, are stained or have holes in them.  After a few years of marriage, some of my husbands clothes have "disappeared"... like the "Bart-man" Simpsons tee shirt that I'm sure was from the late 80s.  I just couldn't stand looking at it anymore.

The Sister's Code

Recent information has brought up the topic of a 'Sisters Code' in conversation with my younger sister, Laura.  In our society, there are "codes" or general, universal rules to follow in order to preserve a valued friendship, like not telling your friends secrets, not talking behind a friends back, always siding with your friend in an argument, even if you disagree, etc.

Sisters are a special relationship in your life, a relationship like no other you will ever have.  Some sisters are the best of friends, others just tolerate each other, and a few even despise one another... but you are still sisters, family.

I grew up with three sisters (one full, two half), and through my brothers marriages, I've added a few more.  When I married my husband, I gained five more!  They are all different kinds of sisters, but all sisters nonetheless, and I love each and every one of them as my sister.  People who don't have sisters think that having a sister means you have a friend for life.  Sadly, they are mistaken.  Being sisters doesn't make you friends, and if anything, it's harder to be friends with your sister than any of your friends.  My sisters are all different shapes and sizes, and no two of my sisters are even similar to another.  We are all different personalities, having made different life choices, living completely different lifestyles with different priorities.  Some of us get along just fine, some of us not so much.  A few of us can't stand to be around another, and even fewer actually have a genuine friendship.  I have a little of each in my mix, regardless, we are all sisters and when push comes to shove, with little exception, we are all there for each other when we are needed.

So, with this life-long relationship, why do we not have a "Sisters Code"?  My conversation with Laura made me think about it.  We do have a code, it's just unwritten, because so many of us already follow the "do unto others" rule of thumb, we often overestimate the selfish few who don't consider others feelings when they take action or open their mouths to speak.

So, without further ado, these are not in any particular order.

• Loans:
• Always return any item that you borrow from your sister, as quickly as possible and in the same condition that you borrowed it.  If you break, ruin, stain, rip or lose that item, replace it with new or like item.
• Never loan an item to your sister and expect to get it back right away, or ever.
• Homeland Defense:
• Never let anyone who is not a sister bully or threaten one of your sisters.  If your sister has a butt-whooping coming to her, it is better for her to receive it from you. If you are unable to deliver said whooping, but she still deserves one, be a good sister and give her as much notice as you can so that she can try to right her wrong.
• Men:
• Never date someone who dated your sister.  This is bad for you and hurtful for your sister.
• Never let your sister set you up with her ex.  If he wasn't good enough for her, he's not good enough for you.
• Do not flirt with someone that your sister is already interested in.  Men are a dime a dozen, let her have him, find your own man.
• Jealousy: Don't hate, celebrate.
• You are not perfect, nor the richest and luckiest, most educated and successful person in the entire universe.  Therefore, other people are bound to do better than you at many things in your life.  Why not your sister?  Don't think it should've been you, just be happy for her.  At some point, she'll feel or has already felt the same way about you!
• Parenting:
• No parent is perfect.  There is no rule book, no instructional video, and every child is different.  Don't criticize your sister's parenting, surely she's doing her best, and you can't possibly know what it's like to raise her children.  If she asks for advice, offer it, but still don't criticize.
• If you don't have any children, shut up.  You don't know the first thing about the pain that comes with just loving a child, much less raising one.  Think it all you want, but don't ever say it out loud, to anyone. Ever.
• Friendship:
• The best qualities in a friend are the ability to listen, comfort, cheer you up, and just be there.  If you want your sister to do this for you, you must first do this for her.
• Events:
• There are events in your life that your sister should absolutely be included in, half-sister, sister-in-law, step-sister and adopted sisters alike.  They should all be invited to your wedding, baby shower, parties, funeral, etc.  I don't care if you barely speak to her or if you have very little in common, this makes no difference.  She SHOULD be invited to these important events in your life.
• Parents:
• Some of your sisters have something very important in common with you: your parents.  Join together to celebrate your parents, don't fight for their attention. You're not 10 anymore.  When they are celebrating an anniversary, Mom is turning 50, or even Mothers/Fathers Day, join together to really show them they are appreciated and loved.
• Later in life, your parents will need you, more than you know.  Sometimes, financial responsibilities fall on the children when special care needs, medical attention and even funeral costs come around.  Your siblings all followed different paths, and just because one of them is a doctor or lawyer, doesn't make them responsible financially over you because you are a burger-flipper.  Your parents raised you and paid a fortune to do it.  The LEAST you can do is save up a few thousand dollars to help make sure they get the beautiful funeral that they deserve.

I will likely return to add more rules to this code as time goes by and things I didn't know needed to be said become problems for people.  Also, feel free to make suggestions for my code, and to share it if you wish.

In general, if everyone just considered everyone else equals and took a few minutes to consider whether their actions or words may hurt someone that they love, this code may never be needed.  Alas, not all of us have said foresight.