I haven't written in a long time. Some things have changed. I have an adult child for starters. Most recently though, I lost my mother-in-law.  Despite my minor challenges with my mother-in-law over many years, I loved her. In fact, I adored her and I admired her. She lost a child and she made her way through it. Then she lost her husband and found herself a single mother of six-one was my husband, and he was the only one that was really a child anymore.   She went on to live 34 more years without him. I can only imagine that she missed him every day. 34 years is a long time to be separated from your soul mate.  I can imagine it left as big a hole in her life as she has left in ours.

For 30 years she lived in near-poverty.  And in passing, we see that it was all for her children.

Now with her passing, we are left to decide what's to happen with the 13 acre farm that she loved so much and didn't owe a dime on. We can all sell it and split the proceeds- which seems the logical path considering we all own homes at this point, with exception of one who simply can't afford to.  But my husband and I think differently. While yes, we own a home – we don't own a homestead.  We don't own a home we can see ourselves growing old in.  We don't own a home for life. Her farm would be such a home. Built in 1900, and to use someone else's word, for lack of my own better one, it is dilapidated.  From old asbestos siding to rotting windows to a hole in the kitchen floor which has been covered with a throw-rug for years, it needs a lot of love.  Situated quite well on 13 partially wooded acres in the town we love but rarely see acreage in, we already love it.  Having owned our home for nearly a decade now, we are well-versed in the "do it yourself" project.  Even though we have not yet gotten an appraised value, and even though we don't know if we can even get another mortgage, we find ourselves talking about what we can do with it.  This house, like no other, holds the potential to be the house we dreamed of when we married.

 So now, we wait for the chips to fall.